If I slammed shots then the last one that I'd take is a bullet
I would pull but I don't got the heart to do it
I'm still running but might break down soon like a car with no fluid
My mind feels like a T.V with no cable, all just black and white
Even rotten fish wouldn't be as raw as my insight
I really fell in love once and then she died(12/20/19)
And so then the demons inside had just started to multiply
Now I drink liquid that's unhealthy for all of my internal organs
When I die and go to the heavens, I bet God will say "Keep on stepping"
And the Devil probably wouldn't even look into my direction
Honeslty, I'm not sure how much more that I can take and I'm not saying this for attention
I'm just sitting in a dark room, spinning the bearl from my loaded weapon
My minds more slippery than warm butter on hot pancakes
Reminiscing and regreating every single one of my mistakes
I'ma worthless fuckin brother and all I seem to feel is anger these days
I keep in all of this pain and only let it out when it starts to rain
I'm looking at all these happy people and wish I could be the same
I keep hearing these voices and it's slowly making me go insain
I'm feeling all alone because I'm all on my own once again
Sad to know that I don't even have a single real friend
My mind feels like tree bark that's going into a wood chipper
Digging up the past that I buried deeper than the earths ocean
Why am I like this I don't really got a reason or care for your emotion
they say to try to fix yourself but that's a really hard discision
Because nobody's ever willing to listen or have that discussion
I'm taking one shot, two shots then maybe nine cause I forgot how to stop
That's it I've just about lost my fuckin mind so long that it's starting to rot
Every thought that passes is less darker than the next
I'm more puzzled than a complex question on a college test
I feel that I put to much weight onto my own chest
So I just bench press but it's harder to push when you're feeling weak
Someone save me cause I'm in fucking trouble and can hardly speak
I looked into the mirror and saw my Demons standing behind me last week
I'm constantly thinking about where I'll go when I'm perished
I'm lost and damaged and my minds falling apart like a cabbage
I don't want to but I feel myself turning back into a fuckin savage
"Dont push me cause I'm close to the edge"
Fuck it then I'll just lean back and let myself fall off of the ledge instead
My eyes are rolling back like Undertakers in WWE vs RAW
you wouldn't even survive half of the shit that I had saw
I feel like flying off the handle like the back of a wooden baseball bat
I had seen my first dead body at six years old now imagin that
My minds more sicker than an aids patient with cancer combinded with HIV
The voices in my head just scream and curse constantly reminding me why I hate myself
My minds like wheels on a car just going in circles trying to burn out out my health
I finally bring myself to understand and feel the joy of peace
Then life's like nope here's some sorrow and another one deceased
So I get depressed and can't release the pain of tomorrow
I feel my heart drifting off into the wind then I begin to reach for another bottle
I smile but we all should know by now that's just for pretend
Why can't I be happy and why's this bullshit keep on happening
I constantly feel my mind snapping like a weak branch on a tree
I guess I'm just not that fortunate or lucky
It's like I'm nothing but a body walking around full of melancholy
Slamming shots ever time that I hear her voice calling onto me
First thing In the morning, I get dressed and put on a fake smile from the memory
Knowing that I'm more pissed off than a disturbed grizzly bear during hibernation
Maybe I'm just whining about our bad timing and this awful situation
The more that I think the worse happens with my aggresion
I pray and now I wonder does God even hear my confession
Walking around work like I'ma jokester and everyones laughing
Knowing my minds going up and down like a rollercoaster
And after that night I threw my heart away into a dumbster
I'm trying to fight from becoming this monster
I wouldn't doubt that you would probably make fun of me
Atleast I can address all of my issues openly without hesitations
While you cover yours up more than the governments confessions
I know my heart and mind ain't all to innocent
I hate myself for what I had becomed as a person
My hearts darker than the middle of the desert with no street light
I'ma loose cannon just blowing up shit that's in my way on sight
My words cut deeper than the blade of the wrist from a susicider
I blow minds back like a 9mm cap piller you can't view my way in as an outsider
I ain't ever been the same since God took you away from my arms
I love you is something I wish I could have told you before you went away
Rest In Peace and I hope you get every massage that I pray to you.
©
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