Me?

You want to get to know me
But how much do you wanna know?
What do you wanna know?
Do you wanna know my interests?
Hobbies?
Music taste?
What I can cook?
Or do you wanna know me?
Do you wanna know what made me who I am now?
Do you wanna know what's happened to me?
Do you wanna know Everything I've lost?
What is it that you really wanna know?
I'm not like most girls
There's a lot to me
A lot that I might not even really tell
Things that have happened
They made me who i am
Things I've seen
They made me who I am
Things I've heard
They made me who I am
You know...
There's a lot fucked up with me
There's a lot i don't really even know
You said you like my personality
You said you like how I'm funny
Or I can be real
But what about me?
What about my disorders?
What about my mind?
What about my 3am panic attacks?
Can you handle me when I beat on your chest?
Can you handle me when I wanna throw myself off a bridge?
Can you handle me when I hold a blade to me skin?
Can you handle my constant panic and distruction?
Would you hold me?
Or would you be freaked out by me?
We only just started talking
Yet
I see your potential
I can't hold you back
I can't bring another person down
Maybe I should distance myself
But i honestly don't wanna
I want to talk to you every second
You gve me butterflies
You make my heart racei
Your smile makes me melt
Your voice vibrates my soul
But Im scare to get close
I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna destroy you
You've already gone through so much
I ruin everything I touch
I don't wanna break you
I break Everything
I don't wanna break something so beautiful
I'm a mess
I don't know who I am
What I am
I don't know what to think
How to think
I have so many things wrong with me
I can't open up that side of me
Whenever I do my toxins spill out
They spill onto the things I care about
I can't let my toxins ruin anyone else
I've already fucked up so much
I literally can't even fucking look at myself in a mirror
I'm disgusted
So if you got to know me
The real me
I'm afraid
Afraid youll see me as I see myself
I can't let anyone see me that way
The way I see myself
It's too fucked up
If I really told them how I feel about myself
Theyd probably throw me in a hospital
They'd pitty me
I don't want anyones pitty
I wanna be loved
I wanna love back
But when I love someone
I always end up hurting them
So what am I to do?
Cause I really wanna get to know you
But I'm afraid of you seeing me for who I am
I don't want you to push me away
I don't want you to think I'm crazy
I don't want you to think it's for attention
I don't want you to think I'm just weird
Or whatever
I just want to be fucking normal
I don't wanna be the way I am
I wish I could just be normal...
©unknown23