(Auto biographical)
(Warning- deals with Suicide)
I never knew that I would break
Under the pressure of it all
Twenty years of going to court
Would end in my downfall.
I broke down when I was 48
The hallucinations started first
Then it all went downhill from there
As my illness just got worse.
I’d walk for endless hours
As my mental illness grew
I saw things that I shouldn’t see
So I didn’t know what to do.
I have six children that I love
All disabled except for one
When I broke it hurt them all
Worse than a hit and run.
I also have a loving spouse
Who does everything she can
Who chooses not to judge me
Even though she’s lost her man.
Eventually the pain inside my head
Pushed me over the edge of despair
And so I took all of my pills
In the hope that I’d end there.
When my wife woke the next morn
And found me laying on the floor
She saw the bottles lying around and
Called the ambulance to our door.
Then she tried to wake me up
And eventually I began to stir
I was so angry that I was alive
That I began to swear at her.
They took me to the hospital
And put me in a hospital gown
But because I’d tried to get away
They had to tie me down.
I spent 2 months in the mental ward
Banging my head against the wall
And when they finally let me go
It hadn’t seemed to work at all.
Three more times in the next 4 years
I broke and tried to take my life
Because I just couldn’t continue
To hurt my kids and wife.
©ronvdm777
Nov 2019
©ronvdm777
R