I'm infront of the mirror, ready to strike a conversation with this woman staring back at me, She's a mess and I don't like it... Her eyes are swollen, mascara running down her cheeks.
She's in pain, She's in misery and there's nothing no one can do to save her.
She won't stop crying, she's so vulnerable, She silently tells me tales of pain... she's silently narrating to me the story of her life, she's telling about the fake promises, the abuse and the torture, she's telling me of how cruel the world has been to her, and I can no longer hold my tears, for her story tears down my insides.
The voices in her head, the monsters under her bed, They won't let her rest, they won't let her be, they won't stop tormenting her, they are pushing her to the blades, they are pushing her to end her life, they are fighting her and she got no strength to fight them back.... she's loosing.
Infront of the world she's heartless and ungrateful, they all say she's cruel and with a heart of stone, she's cold and she cares less but wait, did you care to know why? Let me tell you all that people say, it's all lies well some how, they only want to paint her black, I mean more black.
She acts like that to hide her pain, she acts like that to feel okay, she's weak deep inside but acts strong on the outside, so that no one else will ever break her walls for once upon a time she gave her heart away, trusted with everything she got, loved deeply than life it self, sacrificed everything for the one she loved... but do you know what happened?
He left, broke her heart and threw the pieces into the ocean, the same ocean that drowns her every night, the same ocean she created with her own tears, She same ocean mixed with her very own blood, the same ocean filled with fire that burns her every second every minute of her life.
The most hurting part is he came back with all the sorry talk... blaming it on her, people have guts huh? He said he'd fix things... but how do you really fix a heart whose pieces were drowned in the ocean and later burned in the same ocean? How do you bring a child you killed back to life? Yes he did with his pride and ignorance story for another day.
She's so bitter, her pain is eating her up.. she got everything bottled up... she's battling depression on her own... her anger is eating her up... her chest is wide open with nothing inside but a hole.... an empty hole.... an empty space... nothing to fill in... nothing to fit in....
For growing up she had it rough, no one was there for her, being a child she kept all the pain inside, Just a kid with no idea what was happening, She'd cry, attempt to end her life, she'd die in her sleep and wake up dead but still alive, she was a corpse for she had nothing to live for, no ambition no motivation nothing but grief and a series of pain that never ended till date, still wishing death would take her.
(So mirror mirror on the wall
Who is the saddes of them all
Mara Mara Mara pain
For her life is a series of pain.)
Still seated infront of the mirror, still staring at her, she smiles and tells me everything is okay, She smiles and says she's fine.. she smiles and says nothing is wrong. And that's all she does... just smile while in flames.... lying and lying.... thinking I didn't see right through her.
The goddes of thunder has spoken but she's still MARA and in PAIN
Call it Small, call it big, call it rogue, Call it whatever you want but LIFE IS A SERIES OF PAIN.
©mara_pain
M