.....Everyone wants to know the truth, everyone keeps asking me Martia, what is going on with you? Well since everyone wants to know my truth on what has been really driving me fucking crazy these days, well here is my truth...
The reason why I have been so unfocused and out of touched with everyone these past several weeks is that.... Someone is bothering me at school, and I was afraid to tell everyone about it.... It all started last year long before Christmas break. Almost in the beginning when we first was new students at our school. It started the third week of school... It was scary and a shock that no one should never go through... I was so scared and it was like I couldn't escape from that person or from myself for that matter. The week before Trenti died, he asked me what was happening to me? And I didn't say anything, and I couldn't say anything because I was afraid of how everyone would react to this issue I've been going through every single day.... Trenti even saw the bruises I was trying to hide from everyone... He was the only one who noticed it, and I really really regret not telling him. He asked was it was a boy or a girl who was bothering me and that he would protect me from them but I still didn't tell him... Most of everyone will obviously think it is some lousy ignorant boy who is doing this to me, or some rude, ignorant bratt who is fighting me everyday, but it's not... As much this will be a shock to everyone, but it wasn't a kid in the school who is hurting me everyday.... It's a grown up.... Most kids think getting bullied by other kids is terrible, but it's not, trust me... I have got bullied by some kids in India and it's no different than getting bullied and hurt by an evil grown up... Grown ups are the worses creatures on earth... So getting teased and bullied by a kid is a puppy tease, but a grown up are like monsters from hell... The grown up I'm talking about is a man... He is old like mommy and daddy are, but he is evil... He is my 3rd period English teacher, Mr. Perkinson. Last year when I went to his class, I noticed something was off with his demeanor because I was the only one in his class he kept looking and smiling at, and everyday after school he would call my name after class to tell me how much a great student I am, and he called me names, not bad names but names like couples call each other like beautiful, cutie, honey, beautiful girl. But he chosen a special kind of name for me... He calls me his beautiful butterfly. All through last year he would talk inappropriate to me, and after Christmas break it got worst... That's when he started wanting me to meet him after class in his office, and it's just him that be in there because he has too much privacy down there. This office has no sunshine to it, it's a dark office near the basement level. Every day he wants me to meet him down there, and he tells me he has special gifts for me since I'm the top straight A student so... Every day he gives me food, snacks and sometimes food from restaurants but everyday he gives me something, and I truly liked it because he was giving me stuff that mommy and daddy wouldn't give us everyday. It felt like he was giving me everything I wanted... But while he gives me things he touches me and he always wants me to sit on his lap, and oh it gets much worse.... Mommy and daddy, and to everyone... I lost my virginity for the first time in my entire life, and it felt different, at first I almost screamed, but he covered my mouth and said if I screamed he would kill me, and that I have to go to his office everyday because if I don't, he will hurt me and I am extremely afraid of him... I don't know what to do but to kill myself. I know losing my virginity will be a disappointment to my culture, but I don't give a shit, it happened, so deal with it. He had sex with me everyday after school, and I was starting to hate it and I told him I can't do that anymore, I'm just a kid, and my parents will be upset and that is wrong for a teacher to do that to his student... He told me it's not wrong for a grown up to have sex with kids, but I told him maybe it's good in America but in India it's taboo for a grown up to do such things to a kid, and when I told him that, he got really really really really really mad at me and slapped me hard in the face and I started crying so loud, and he said no one could hear me down there because the basement is wall proof... He would slap me around and beat me everyday if I didn't do things that doesn't go his way... He has so much control over me, and I hope someone kills that ass fucker, and I hope it be one of you guys, Mala, Mara, Joseq or mommy and daddy... I hope someone take his ass down for good... I hate that ass fucker, I'm scared of Mr. Perkinson, and I have to meet him everyday until I finally kill myself, and I am really going to do it.... I'm not gonna jump out of a window or from a roof or anything, I am going to really kill myself in a way that everyone will see... It's gonna be a public suicide death... This is my truth im telling the world, and these are my last words in bold letters I am about to say....
:I DON'T LOVE NO ONE, NOT YOU, NO ONE ON THIS EARTH😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠 I HATE YOU GUYS. YOU ARE REALLY THE MOST WHO HAS LET ME DOWN AND DON'T REGRET ANYTHING NOW BECAUSE WHEN I'M DEAD, THAT'S THE END OF IT, AND THERE WILL BE NO TURNING BACK TO THIS SHIT HOLE. FUCK MY FAMILY, FUCK MR. PERKINSON, AND FUCK AMERICA. IF ANYONE GETS A CHANCE TO GO BACK TO INDIA WHERE OUR REAL EXTENDED FAMILY IS, TELL EVERYONE I SAID GOODBYE 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠👹👹👹👺👺👺👺👺👺.
She stops writing and puts her pen down and she stands up to take deep breaths. She now places the letter on her night stand. Tomorrow, she will lie and tell her parents she has to go to the library, but tomorrow will be the day she will kill herself in public.
Author Ciara Webb
Story written by Ciara Webb
Co-author Mansi Rupesh More
©mairawrite
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