"Mala, calm down, I know this is a shock to you, but that is what brought you both here, and I'm sure you will hear more secrets about each other throughout this process and this is part of therapy. It doesn't matter what Chris did because that is in the past, and today is why I want to work with you on how to control your anger Chris. Now I want to inform you the process of how to control your anger," Mrs. Atkins informs.
Step 1: Think before you speak.
"This goes for you as well Mala because what I've just seen you do was an outburst you did not handle the situation properly. So in the heat of a moment, it's easy to say something you will later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything, and allow others involved in the situation to do the same," she informs.
Step 2: Take deep breaths.
Even if you cannot take yourself away for 15 minutes, stopping and taking, and releasing some
deep breaths can help you to relax and give you time to think. Take a moment to notice your body's reactions.
Step 3: Once you are calm, express your anger. As soon as you are thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive way but not in a nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them and the situation. "I know this can be challenging but this will help you both in learning how to control anger urges, and I've been down that road before, and when I always got mad, it ain't pretty, but these steps helped me to heal, that's what made me the therapist that I am today," she said.
Step 4: Get some exercise.
Physical activities can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
"Like when ever I get into a state of anger or sadness, I go for a walks, or sometimes I ride on my exercising bike I have in my room, and God knows when I jump on that bike it makes me let go of things, exercising will take away the anger and bad thoughts. Every time I exercise, I play my work out electro dance beats. You also can have music playing or have on head phones sets while exercising. It will make you feel like you're freeing yourself from your past or in another world," she said.
Step 5: Identify possible solutions. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Always remind yourself that anger will not fix anything but only make it worse.
Step 6: Always stick with ''I'' statements to avoid judging, placing blame that will only increase tension. Use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example: say, "I'm upset that you left the table without being willing to help me with the dishes," instead of saying "You never do any housework," she conveys.
Step 7: Don't hold a grudge. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you will find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you will both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
Step 8: Use humor to release tension. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what is making you angry and, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go, but Avoid sarcasm, though it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
The final step: Write It Out
Writing helps you organize your thoughts and will provide insights into the situation. You can write until your feelings of anger are released. You may even want to keep a notepad with you at all times so the next time you feel angry, you can start writing right away. It is what I call a draft letter. You write about all the people who hurt you on each page and when you get finished with the drafts, clear it up into a forgiveness letter.
"Oh look at the time, our session is up, I will discuss and give you examples for you both to practice the writing exercise on our next session," she said, shaking their hands.
Author Ciara Webb
Co-Assistants 26Khayali and Ridhi P
Story written by Ciara Webb
Co-author Mansi Rupesh More
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