Running intensively
Running in immense
fear Running with these
tears,
Along with the poisonous panic i could'nt even bear
Running with my heart beat
Being spiking high to the skies ,
I can laugh i can joke , i can all the way smile
But deep inside my heart dances and sings in this flame of misery and thus cries ..
In the end Everyone will notice ur mistakes no matter how hard u try.
Running and embracing close this small mesmerising basket of unspoken dreams ,wonders and memories passing through
the dense and silent lonely forest
Running in order to
save this basket somehow from being burned into mere ashes but by exactly whom? .By the nightmarish mystical monster haunting me constantly
Resumed running for my life as i shall but suddenly i eventually see there is no way further !to run and hide from this walking and living hell ,
Devil stopped and Stared right into my eyes with a evil smile as poor me have no choice but to desperately cry~
Can not articulate with words the panic he amplify
In fear assuming he would
tear my dreams apart again,
Throwing me in the dark prison of incapacitating sorrow and indescribable pain
While ,
Writing my heart out is
Addictive as cocaine ,
That monster snatching away who. I am - my original nature from me
Its a creature in the form of
nightmare~ ,i shout ,i scream
And i seeked for help
But who would even care ?
Giving a mental breakdown
Quite hard to bare
Those scary eyes
,Shaking my heart
Overdosing me with Anxiety
Its like its injected to my veins~
Noticed that monster from a little closer realising it not to be
an real creature
,Just a wild part of me!
The echo of past traumas burnt inside my Brain~
Losing several things to that evil reflection of my own vile self
,I ultimately Lost my wonders ,my will... to wake up and start
the day ,can someone give me a valid
Reason to live ,reason to stay, dont ask
Me the pain of infatuation the pain it bring - i can't even express
Cany even say .
Beget neglecting the beauty of little pleasures, such a
Boredom that i do not
intend to abide ~ lost is that self esteem wait ,where is my pride ?
Smiling with this pretty smile but feeling
Pretty dead inside ,
I cant' endure it anymore ,
Will i survive or
Is it my last ride ?
Severe ideation of self harm and suicide
Past turning my present upside
down
My Wild insecurities haunting me
do not know where to hide
tired of this hide and seek
Stronger i will stand now !
Because it is a while of being so weak
Even though my depression is on its peak.
Holding on to the edge anyhow
But unfortunately no rescue seem to come &
Life seems too dumb
, Mind is very powerful
Could not restrain ,eventually
Burning in the destined hell of a pain
Eventually drowning in the well of a vain
Poems and music are my favourite healer , They say love is a drug everyone is high on ,but i cant find my dealer , You can literally feel alone in a crowd ,loneliness doesnt usually shout ,my friend
It is purely a silent killer
Everything seems pointless and dumb,
Where can i find a better friend than this diary and find a better therapist then
My rum ,Yes
I hope to overcome
I wish to overcome ,
I want to feel something again
I do not wanna remain numb .
The days on which i did not fantasied
Of Suicide
Are so rare ,
Its as if i die tomorrow
I would'nt even care
I ask to God why
Life has ultimately become
a frightening nightmare
,They said we are with you homie but then why so
No hand out apparent
to appear?
, Losing my self and my vision in this dark lonely street
was very profound to bear,
the mere thing holding me & pating me when i am down are these verses
and this beer..
In depression you often cry from
Inside thus ,nobody hears your scream,
People like around being happy and rich , who cares about us dude ,the society is truly mean..
,In this horrible state u can't even shed a tear, Are you sad or are u just numb Hey rishav why your eyes are
red is it the opium?
or the demons screaming inside your head ,Faking a smile is mastered by you
but your eyes reflects that something important inside u is dead
, I could'nt even find reasons to leave the
Bed , ,yes dear a case so severe ,
Life is a mystery i am unable to solve ,nothing is known ,Depression has a blurred vision
Nothing seems clear .
They might want money ,fame , power but
All i want now is to somehow Disappear ,
Its profound to remember the last time i was content ,i aint even lying ,yes i swear
I see no point or rationality in the rat race
Of money, knowledge , and illusion of so called success ,
All my friends are ambitious
But thinking about future only makes
Me restless , I tried to have a control
Over my feelings as my therapist told me , but sorry i could not although i tried to supress .Even tho i shared my heart out to my loved ones as people always say sharing lessens the grief ,but
They wont understand ,so it merely makes me look like a lunatic
And a mess
I just need
to ditch this pointlessness and depression , Each verse that i emanate in this poem has actually blossom from real pain and my heart's
Aggression
These heavy thoughts and feelings
In my head ,consistently they are running round and round ,
Do i need some antidepressants to feel some joy
Or a shot of
mexican brown(heroin)
,i just want actual serenity and
Escape from the voices inside my head
I ain'r fantasizing money ,fame
Power and clown ,
My mind
Twisting my soul up side
down , Tell pleasseee
No help ,no light of releif seem to ever appear in the dark silent town ,
Somebody please tell me.
In this
blackhole of
hopelessness
Will i
Drown ???
©rishabh568
R