for so many years there's so much she's wanted to say for so many years there are so many things that kept her quiet for days.....
her heart is full of pain and sorrow things that she has not yet healed from and things that she has not yet accepted that happened.....
she lays there silently in the dark but in her mind she's screaming out why why is there not anyone here to help me?
in the morning she hears the kids playing calling her name but in her mind all she hears is the demons saying that you are not meant to be you're not meant to be a mother you're not meant to be a wife you're not meant to be anything but tormented by us...
she fights with herself just to get out of bed to change her clothes and brush her teeth and wash her hair is a challenge that she faces every day
how can anyone love someone like her as she looks in the mirror how can anyone be memorized by someone like her as she sees her shadow in the shape that it is how can anyone fantasize about her as she looks down at the scars on her legs.....
he says he loves her no matter what......
They
fell in love almost 7 years ago even till this day he still says I love you.....
but she still does not understand why or if he truly even really does or if secretly he has someone else on his mind because she's not yet complete or put together her life is falling apart all around her what if he fantasizes about another while laying next to her she wonders ......
how could he love someone who constantly thinks about suicide our harms herself when she's upset when she feels like she's not enough that seems like a whole bunch of baggage all on its own and she doesn't know why he would still stay when he can have someone who's more like him.
he consistently looks in her eyes and says I love you baby as he caresses her cheeks or pushes the hair from her face while looking deeply into her eyes without breaking his gaze but all she hears is that you don't love me you love another at least that is what the demons are re-translating the words that you're saying to me..
she says underneath her breath it's hard to hear you love me when my demons are screaming you don't....
©faraysims
F