Close your eyes,and go back in time,
your five years old ,only a child.
With so many dreams insight,
no worries, no,cares.
Just enjoying the freedom, with the wind in your hair.
playing with your friends and feeling the sun warm your face,
with a piece of chalk in your hand.
you only worry is will my lines be straight,
Because hopscotch is the game I am awaiting to play,
with all my friends ,and so much laughter we had still lives inside of me.
Your first Day at school, in your shiny new uniform you wear,
Walking to school hand in hand with your mum ,
you catch her smile as she glances down at you.
you sense her proudness as she looks at you ,
my daughter she said this is your first day at school.
I know you feel frightened of me leaving you there,
but at home time just look by the gate ,I will be waiting for you there
With my arms open wide ,to hug you daughter as I will never be,
to far from your side. Because I love you and this will always be.
Before you know you will be all grown up ,and I won t chastise too much,as you will make your mistakes and learn on your way ,
as now you are older,life gets less simple and straightforward you see.
and so many problems and upsets you will see,you need to stay strong,
but always remember caring and understanding others will lead you down
the right path.
As love and caring and the respect that you have ,will take you places,
I never had.as I want the best for you daughter so that you can pass
on ,to your future generations, and watch them bloom and grow.
these will be my future grandchildren who will be sat on my knee.
To treasure and hold and love so much and who will be always understood,a mothers unconditional love is never out of sight.
Well I grew and I married twice,two massive mistakes, and had children
to care for to whom I loved dearly and tried so hard to make no mistakes.
It was hard work, with no help and support and looking back I
Always wondered how life would be ,as this was not the life I used
to see in front of me.
Abusive relationship s I had entered in ,but care and understanding where
the words that lived with me,failure was not a option as I was always
asked to do my best,but nothing was ever good enough and the fault
I was told always was me
I never got the tea right ,the cooking ,the cleaning as much as I tried,
going to bed on my own with tears running down my eyes.
I wished I could go back to that small child again,no worries, no fears,
just unconditional love that I had.
So that day came many years down the line,my children all grown ,with my grandchildren at there side.
I could not find me ,or think in a straight way ,my marriages had left
me with no feelings inside.
I functioned as a machine and did as I was told,I said sorry so many
times for nothing I had done ,as all I wanted was peace and no shouting
and to be put down.
So six years ago I had to find the strength to leave only with two bin bags
as I needed to find my sanity and I needed to find me.
Now happy and settled and years gone by,I m learning to find the real
me again.
I have got a voice and intelligent you see ,I just could not find ,after
you took everything away from me you see,I was a empty shell
with nothing left in me.
But now when me and my mum talk ,that life is a learning curve,
and all them years ago when she said to me ,these skills will help
get you through life ,I owe her so much as these words stuck
in my head and I no longer look back.
I v lived and learnt along the way ,that life is never always perfect ,
Obstacles are thrown in your way,but yet now I get to fight another
day.
I m stronger and wiser and live life to the full.
I just want to say to you mum how much I love you and now it is my
turn to be here for you ❤️❤️❤️
©janine
J