Vanishing silhouette
I am blessed for the memories
of the most beautiful soul
some days are like the roaring seas
tearing apart I begin to unfold
I wish the memories of you
could always make me smile
that leaves me so very confused
living in complete and utter denial
I miss the way you dream
the way you laughed
the way the universe was seen
through heathers looking Glass
you waltz into my misery
and brought in a luminous glow
youbshowed the world to me
a world I may have never known
you danced around my sadness
cured me with your concern
oh my God how do I do this
I feel so f#cking torn
how id give anything
just to hear your voice
to hear you sing
a Beatles song of your choice
I cry for your company
each and every day
your comfort dies inside of me
I wish you could have stayed
this grief is wearing me out
I'm becoming fragile as glass
it's been five years I blatantly shout
how long does this pain have to last
i
t's plaguing my every thought
it's tugging at my heart
the memories of us are beginning to rot
I can't take it much longer
I tremble im struggling falling apart
I'm failing at ways to become stronger
I've seen better days
but now all i see is grey
as i try fucking harder
trying to be my very best
I can't be the mother for my daughter's
or my son none the less
this agony consumes me
like the night to the sky
fog rolls In deep
fryin me from the inside
my thoughts have become so dark
this tragity has left many a mess
and every bit of life fell apart
when you were laid to your final rest
life in Shambles
I'm ashamed to admit
this reality I can't handle
buried beaneath a thousans bricks
there is ice in my veins
and my heart's on fire
everyday I am drained
I've lost all interest and desire
I fear now to make any new friends
I've trappee myself between four walls
I've grown so pale I can't even pretend
that I don't have tears that' fall
drowning everyone around me
dragging everyone down
it's not fair you see
do my children have to carry this weight around
for their mother cannot get over this slump
I try and I try I really do try
I feel as if I'm on the edge ready to jump
inside my house Ill forever hide
this is what losing my best friend has done
avoiding reality I cannot comprehend
I myself have died
and this is what I've become
it's been 5 years it's been 5 goddamm years
shouldn't I feel alright?
I really just wish you were here
to talk to me on these restless nights
they've diagnosed me with PTSD
they say it's because of the incident
I am in disbelief
all though i was not physically present
I was the last to see you alive
I've came over not even close to aware
you and chad lay on the other side
lifeless onnthe floor feeling noone cared
I wish you knew
I wish you had believed
how much I love you
and I failed to make you see
to make u aware
to constantly remind you
that I everlastingly care
I would give my life too
Heather you were flawless
Heather u were strong
unique mind of eternal bliss
I can't believe you're actually gone
nothing feels real anymore
I'm stuck in a dream like sequence
as I drop to the concrete floor
why would you do this
screaming on the top of my lungs ..fuck
she's gone she is just gone forever
as lightening crashes and I am struck
I'm never getting her back my Heather
just a faded a track
a worn out song
vanishing shilloet please fix this
slamming my head into my closed fists
too many times I've cried until I sleep
replaying all the warning signs
that are burroweded n my memory so deep
what could I have done
I should have paid more attention
taken away your guns
and separated you from him
beenn ur back bone your moral support
I'm sorry u felt so alone
been aware of your mental distort
I feel as if I play a role
in responsibility to what ever took place
I wish I had taken u from the cold
and could see your beautiful face
instead I am haunted
I don't believe that itol ever change
smothered in grief flipped and rearranged
all the scenarios play in my head
like a horror movie this is reality
nightmares of walls stained red
this is what the sleepless nights do to me
Ive become an insomniac
I have fears trace I can't get to sleep
sometimes I get trapped
and I cannot wake for I am weak
how much can one take
countlessb are night terrors
sleep paralysis or just a dream!?
waking my partner with my scares
as i unawarely scream
I can't wrap my brain
around all that happened
my mind feels stained
a timeloop I'm trapped in
drenched in sweat
gaspimg for air
I'm shipwrecked
as I blankly stare
the agony is like a noose
stealing my last breath
the obsession for truth
fu#king with my head
the unanswered kills
are you really the one to blame
or was there another story behind what was real
or were you really insane
werebone a wrong deal
for not paying ur dos
getting trapped up n a dangerous gameb
darkness overlaps my existence
as everyone tells me I should hate you
and I hate every bit of this
and what they claim they knew
he was my friend also
much earlier than you were
and the fact that I'll never know
the love will still shine through her
they say time heals all wounds
I'm not sure how much time it will take
as I'm huffing on the fumes
trying to keepu up my faith
I will continue on
as far as I can recover
for I see you in the dawn
of a midnight slumber
time is precious, as life slips away
tortment takint over my being
lost in the night during day
eye sockets bleeding
from the tears wearing raw
for hopelessness eats away
reap what u sow
as told by Galatians
they say
all good must come to end
death is one that can't be avoided
I'll just continue to pretend
as all emotions are voided
I'll forever miss u my friend
and love u as I always didb
i rest easy have a great flight out of here
you'll always have me and I know you're near
in my heart in my mind my soul and time
it was am honor knowing you
and I'm thankful for that short time I've gotten to spend
getting to meet and hold a star that shined vibrantly within
¡
©chellatin
C