My addiction is like a prison within

My addiction is like a prison within:
My addiction is like a prison within,
I can not seem to win,
I just wish someone would actually sit down and listen,
I really do have a lot to mention to you about me,
Why can't you see I'm reaching out for help can't you see,
But nobody's listening,
This time my addiction snuck up on me,
That even I didn't even see it coming,
If I would've seen some of my warning signs,
I would've called a support line,
Maybe a friend, maybe a professional or maybe an actual crystal meth hotline,
I've never been to an N/A meeting,
However that's all about to change here in due time,
After I get the help I've been needing,
There are four very special ladies on my side,
Standing there supporting me through it all,
Even though I've lied to them all so many times that I don't even know what is the truth and what is a lie,
However at least I know I have those four lovely ladies who will help me along the way,
To tell me either way "no Kendall, that's not okay." Or "yes Kendall, that'll be fine just be safe."
I don't want that reputation,
Oh look at her she's addicted to that crystal meth man ain't that like one of the worst drugs for an addict to be on?
Yes,you're right,
But don't let people think that your addiction has won,
Because you are so beautiful Kendall,
You are brave and so strong,
You carry your heart on your sleeve,
And that's not a bad thing,
It just seems to bring you more trouble than success,
When will you see that those four ladies are not mad at you, but rather worried instead,
You can't always be happy,
I mean shit let's be honest,
Everybody has bad days,
It's all apart of being alive and living,
People suffer heartaches everyday,
Just some more than others,
And I know yours is beyond breaking,
You can't just put a band aid on a broken heart,
And watch it heal from the start,
Some addicts don't realize,
That they are using drugs to self medicate,
To stop from feeling all the pain and suffering,
Now I'm not saying that's why everyone uses,
Of course not,
Because I am me,
And not them you see,
Nor would I want to be,
As I have had enough shit happen in my life that I still carry in my memory,
Even when I want to shut it off and change the scene,
Can any one help me?
Or am I still just one big loner who's always lonely?
I wish I knew better words to say,
To ask for the help I need today,
But I'm seriously stuck in a severe rut,
What can I do or say?
The longest I went clean since March 16th 2019 is seven days eight hours and thirty eight minutes hey,
that's better than just a day,
Isn't anyone proud of me besides me?
Well I know I'm proud of myself no matter what other people say,
I mean come on who even really cares these days?
I know I promised my man I wouldn't use it again but the urges are too strong for me,
And it's right in front of me,
I'm about to snatch that bubble,
Right out of your hands if you don't hand it to me now!
My addiction is so severe that it's gotten me to be a growling bear,
Or whatever animal could bite off your head instead,
Because when I come down,
Ladies and gentlemen please take cover,
As a bomb might go off from the mouth off of Kendall head,
But don't worry,
Her brothers on his way with some more methamphetamine,
To help calm her down for the rest of tonight,
I don't want that type of reputation at all!
I am a kind and caring person usually,
Just not as nice while I'm coming down from that stupid methamphetamine!
I really can't wait,
For that bed to open up,
For inpatient drug rehabilitation,
Because that's what I really want!
Well y'all that's my life with my addiction it's literally like I'm in my own prison and I can't see,
Because a life with a addiction isn't easy,
So please people who don't understand,
What it's like to live life on the sidelines,
Don't automatically assume that we want to be this way,
Because most of us don't,
We just don't know any other way!
We've either never felt no love or been abused,
So we decided well heck what do I got to lose?
And before you know it,
I'm stuck here sitting on this corner,
Asking for food and some change,
You think I don't wish my lifestyle was different,
If you think I'm doing drugs for the attention then you really must be insane!
I love my mom, my dad and my family,
Why would I just throw that away,
Just for the heck of it and say oh hey let's play with drugs and see who gets more faded,
No you people it's because we have inner demons that we haven't yet fixed,
So what do you say,
Can we all stop judging and labeling people today?
Because me being on crystal meth doesn't mean you have the right to call me a meth head!
Do you feel me?
Okay I'm glad we can hopefully agree on something finally,
Because the only person who should be judging anyone is God not any one us now you shall see,
In the bible it says "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all your mind.
This is the great and foremost commandment.
The second is like it,
'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'
On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."
So basically love everybody for who they are as a person.
Look on what's on the inside not what's on the out.
It doesn't matter if they have fancy clothes or a really nice house!
Don't be greedy and take all what you want,
Because some people have nothing,
Or not very much!
The end!!!
©kendallm61