I've become broken into these small pieces,
The pieces of me has burnt into ashes,
This constant conflict of caring too much or not caring enough,
It became a habit to collect my emotions into a unbreakable box,
There isnt much left of emotions I can feel,
I look at peoples faces to have emotions to steal,
Their smiles imprinted on my face to mask,
The real smile that seems to never come back,
This lifeless form Ive watched myself become,
Some describe the feeling of becoming undone,
But it doesnt feel that way as much anymore,
I catch myself thinking what am I waiting for?
For things to get better knowing it wont?
In this life I've always wandered what do I really want?
The same answers pondered in my thoughts,
Be normal, be happy, without head problems is asking alot,
I want to be understood instead of being judged,
That's the string over again tugged but wont nudge,
I want to not be scared of who I really am inside,
I want to be able to trust and have someone to confide,
To be able to go somewhere without feeling so much paranoia,
Cause I know as well of what others are capable of,
For this heaviness in my chest to finally be released,
To be treated as a person instead of some kind of disease,
Being filled with so much anger when I regain back some feeling,
I scream "let me be!" Cause its too much its overwhelming,
I feel my heart pulsating to my head when it gets so loud,
I want to rid this pain in my heart I always carry around,
For the nightmares to fade and dream something good for a change,
For once feel sane instead of driven madly insane,
I want to have that hope I lost and big dreams I once had,
For the dead to rise to have my dad come back,
It's just wishful thinking and I probably sound ungreatful,
But life can be as grisly as it can also be beautiful,
I stay within these walls I've built over the years,
I can be just as fearless as I can be full of fear,
To finally be at peace in my own world of chaos,
I tell myself I'm here, I'm trying and I havent given up
©deathbear
D