Ever since I could remember I been a failure. In life, relationships, as a father. My mother's abuse was the only love she showed me. My father love was the best feeling in the world knowing that someone loves me. His death was a big down fall. He didn't get a chance to get to see his grandson grow up. My substance abuse was the only way that could num my pain. I always been a loaner. Being alone and homeless for a little more than 10 yrs led to be antisocial and depressed. 2017 I meet the love of my life. which I treated wrong abused mentally and physically. I didn't know how to treat her cause I didn't know how to feel. I treated myself like shit. That I was always been selfish. Only cause I been alone for so long. The abuse I gave my son was one now the worst feelings I can ever experienced cause I was following my mother footsteps. I chose to get high instead of being there for the family I created. I left them high and dry just to follow my substance abuse. I lost everything now. I'm living on the streets now cause mentally I never left. Now I'm regretting everything I've done but it's to late. I caused so much damage that I don't wanna live on. I wanna die. But that will only add on to my failures. I thank God every morning for letting me see another day. I don't wanna cause no more, problems, heartache. Dear god will I get up to fight another day to do right. Will this be my final fall.
©effy619
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