Its all starting to make sense. everyone tells me i seem so tense, but they dont know what goes on in my head.. when i was young, i went to see a doctor with my mum, its not because i was feeling ill, they could see something wasnt right with me, when i was at school, my pen was my tool, i couldnt seem to learn but i could draw. just happened to be people getting slathered, burnt, hurt n worse n all the evil things i see in between.. EBD is the label they put on me, i thought people would think im weak, so i fight to pretend to be normal.. Emotional behaviour disorder.. unable to keep order in my thoughts, they are torn, my patients worn, in my head i see a war, they didnt like what they saw, no authority seen within the law, im a deep thinker, i know how to avoid getting caught, keep drinking to get 40 winks in, so i can try sink away my horrid thoughts but i cant no more. i have smoked weed from the age of 13, to the point it was the only thing i ever seem to breathe, i thought it was all i would need, to try to help me suppress my dreams, as thay only contain innocent screams. as i see people bleed.. chasing the next best high, but never find satisfaction, but i saw a attraction. . i couldnt see all the wasted money trying to feel free. but didnt relies the problem was me. all i have ever done is hide it.. a ability to bury my so called disability, i had no idea how much it affected me.. or the people around me but no one can see, so i run and i hide and i try to start a new life everytime but i push everyone away im sorry, im just being me.. and thats no lie.. i just say im fine but cant seem to find the person i see in my mind.. i cant make a change.. people think im ok but im not.. somedays i cant leave the house, i need some professional help. but if anyone asks i elude it fast, its another lie that i tell, it just fell out, i have been thinking of a way to kill myself. because im too afraid of my own emotional health.. sit and do nothing till the day i am dead or pull back this hammer n crack open my head..
peace and love to all ✌
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