Linsay as a baby was very insecure, she needed her mom by her side all the time.
After 3 months of having her home from the hospital, she started not sleeping nights, she would scream and whine.
After 2 years, she finally slept her nights.
By then I was finally able to relax and get myself on a schedule again.
My life I thought would change for the better, but to her habits, there was no end.
The only way to get her to sleep, was rocking her in my arms.
This had bothered her dad, and fighting every day, was no charm.
Then she started sneaking in my bed at night.
To her dad, this was definitely not alright.
Her dad and I, could not see eye to eye anymore.
We were falling out of love, that was for sure.
Our ways of discipline was not anything like each other.
So I broke up with him, he moved, and my two girls and i stayed together
Linsay started becoming more drawn to me.
She moved herself into my bed to sleep every night, so i let things be.
She was having very bad tantrums which made the police show up at my door.
It was something not to be ignored.
She was starting kindergarten and was scared to be away from me.
Changes became big in her life, to much for me to see.
Things went good and I was happy because she would meet new friends.
Her big sister made sure that happiness never ends.
Now she started going to spend a night on the weekend at her dads place.
Her and I just needed a little space.
After the summer, she had begun real school, she was entering grade one.
As time passed, she started up her habits again.
Her tantrums became worse, and she didn't want to go to school, to all of this, there was no end.
She still slept in my bed,
She still needed to be rocked, then she started hearing voices in her head.
The next few years, she continued being out of control.
I brought her to see a psychiatrist and they told me that it was my fault, I let her take the toll.
Nothing ever seemed okay,
I was crying every day.
Her whole years of elementary school didn't seem to be any fun.
I just felt so useless as her mom.
Then I found out that she was also having learning difficulties.
I thought leaving her dad was gonna be a breeze.
But it wasn't, and whether I was with him or not, I felt so weak.
I just wanted linsay to finally be happy in her own skin.
But she was not, and with that, nobody wins.
©terrylin53
T