for years I've suffered. I felt alone.
I felt lonely. even in a world full of people, full of smiling faces.
years of emotional abuse and verbal abuse, it felt like I was suffocating. drowning. no one to tell, no one can help me.
I was ashamed, embarrassed, afraid. didn't want anyone to judge me, my life, my husband. especially my husband.
so many arguments, name calling, and threats. I always had to walk on eggshells, always had to be careful of what I say, how it's said and the volume of my voice.
when you were mad, there's no stopping you. you love your tantrums, you love to throw things, and you love to break stuff.
it was always a hurricane, and I was the forever reason of why you got mad in the first place.
what did I do? I'm sorry, I'll try to do it better the next time, please stop yelling at me.
you're hurting my feelings, you never care about my feelings. why do you treat me this way?
you're the reason my anxiety is sky high, self esteem is down low. My mental state to you is a joke.
after years of the abuse I started to build up a wall. a wall to shield myself from you. your negative words, threats, manipulation.
now I feel as if I feel nothing. no emotion. emotionally detached. emotional dissociation.
I don't know whether i should thank you, or hate you. I'm still with you, i can't escape you, I can't leave you. can't live with you, and cannot live without you.
©anonymity
A