One day when everything stops,
It means I have won,
It means I make myself proud,
For accomplishing, surviving & winning the silent battles I've fought for years.
To the person in the mirror who used to be easily entertained by just making silly faces with their action,
I’m sorry that you’re no longer happy with what you are seeing in your reflection.
To the person in the mirror who loved doing their make up,
and who was never bothered by their imperfections,
I’m sorry that you no longer love your flaws,
and would rather simply avoid staring at yourself in the mirror,
because at least for a moment you feel like you can avoid your problems.
To the person in the mirror,
who used to accept the reflection that they were seeing in the mirror,
I’m sorry that you no longer feel the same way.
I’m sorry that you no longer feel like your young self.
The young child that used to be so confident and expressive with their feelings.
The young child who used to love eating whatever they wanted,
without linking the words ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘guilt’ to their food choices.
The young child who if liked someone,
would be able to just confess their feelings without a single sense of fear in the world.
The young child does their body and didn’t see a flaw that they disliked.
The young child is always happy and excited to go out and meet with their friends.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that you’re not that person anymore.
I’m sorry that somewhere along the line your confidence starting to shatter and you became more and more self-cautious.
I’m sorry that somewhere along the line you started to feel like you needed confirmation and acceptance from other people to feel loved.
I’m sorry that you slowly started to dislike how your body looked.
And I’m sorry that you thought that starvation was the answer.
I’m sorry that you always felt cold and consumed with the thoughts of food because of the constant state of starvation that you were putting your body in.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you the self-effects that would come from extreme diets and malnutrition.
I’m sorry that we had to watch our body deteriorate until it became worrisome to the people around us. And I’m sorry that their concerns only made you madder at yourself.
I’m sorry that you fell into progressively deeper slumps and are finding it harder and harder to pull yourself back up.
And I’m sorry that somewhere along the line the anxiety within your body started to build more and more until you physically felt suffocated.
I’m sorry that we lost each other somewhere along the lines. I’m sorry that for a while we were no longer on the same page.
Damn.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop you along the way.
I’m sorry that you had to take the fall yourself and get hurt a little to understand that I’m not your enemy.
I’m not here to hurt you.
I’m not here to discourage you.
I’m here to remind you that there are going to be days when you feel that you are not enough.
There are also going to be days when you just don’t feel comfortable in your skin.
But.
I want you to know that these are just going to be days.
These days will pass.
These negative emotions will too pass.
You will get better.
You will smile again.
You will be happy again.
You are worthy of being happy.
Only when that one day comes...
©fizz_
F