I’m eating off my last clean plate
I’m scared to make any more moves,
My last clean slate
This could be prison
My last mistake.
Every day is a challenge
Every day is a struggle
My parents say “life is just fine it will just take a while.”
My friends say “this is your last mile”
But my head spins in circles every time I try to talk
My stomach turns every time I try to walk.
So I stand in place with nothing but plans
Scared of everything blowing the fan
I feel like all I can do is sit on my knees and say a good prayer.
My social anxiety it just gets worse
I stand so awkwardly because it’s a curse.
I’m first but I’m stuck in the mud
I’ve never felt like I was drowning in a flood
But that is when the alcohol ran through my blood.
So I’m stuck in the mud, I’m drowning in a flood
My heart is racing and I keep getting shoved.
I know how to swim so I’ll be just fine
My head is up but why are my feet so far behind?
All I need is this first step then the second can follow through,
But I also keep pausing to help everyone up steam too.
So they get their first as I put myself aside
I don’t know why maybe I feel like I have a stronger mind,
Then I fall behind while the others shine.
I’m not drowning
I’m just taking slower strides
Other people pass me and I wave goodbye.
Then I get back to blocking the tides
So others survive, because a leader takes time
I must not leave anyone behind.
I want to say to stop caring
I want to say “just let them drown.”
But I can’t…
There is a difference...
They are not stuck in the mud, I’m not drowning that is what I found.
They get killed cold blood drowning in the flood
I’m not going anywhere but up stream
Like I’d ever let the waves take me
So I help everyone up from their knees.
We will all succeed
Everyone eats,
We are a team.
©tiffarnold
T