P
pause for peace
sometimes at night I looked out of my window as far as my eyes can see the stars shine like gemstones wow now that's a pause peace sometimes I think to myself what do people really want from one another how can someone hate and love chaos and tragedy death and agony I can only wonder how dark their soul must be and how blackened and cold their heart is it takes much more energy and strength to hate then to love or if not love like if not like at least respect go your way in peace somewhere there is this place I heard of Called Paradise I'm not sure that I have been there yet I am aware of Utopias and such places where there's nothing but sunshine gentle breezes light thunderstorms and everyone takes it easy where passion and compassion where love like understanding empathy sympathy gratitude good attitude surround you wherever you go when you pause for peace oh I know things are going to get shaken up from time to time it would not be life if those things that chick us up every once in awhile did not come to fruition but there is a big difference in Fighting For a Cause and fighting for your life or maybe I'm just deluding myself and the two are one in the same in this life game everyone plays it with the hand that you're dealt some bet everything on the house while others play it safe and save some just in case which one am I well it just depends on my way of looking at things at a particular time I dunno that I have been privileged and I've been blessed more times than I know and I know better than to think that without Jesus in my life that I can get any further than I am now as I sit and give these words that are given to me by God to share with those who may just want to read what's on my mind and in my heart and in my soul I don't talk about daisies in fields full of flowers sunshine and butterflies and birds singing so beautifully and it is not because I do not have a liking for or a respect 4 those things it's just very rare for me to have the opportunity to Paws for peace I have to remind myself that I owe it to myself to pause for peace my peace my peace of mind I have to remember that I cannot let someone come in to my life to disrupt my own personal peace if you do not come to help then you sure as hell better not come to hinder me I do not respond so peacefully when someone tries to use me or abuse me and treat me with disloyalty I won't bother holding a grudge I will just politely remove myself from your energy and maintain myself at the pace of love so I pause for peace on purpose I asked for very little and at times I am not the best friend that I can be I want make excuses I'm tired of having to give reasons those who know me well they know that I am in a very trying season in my life now don't get me wrong I daydream sometimes about just getting away from it all going away to where no one knows I'm going and being completely free to be totally me I do miss my wonderful sister friends more then they know sometimes I admit that I sink into depression because I don't want to lose those friends who have really become my sisters it's not easy feeling like you're thinking like a teenager buy feeling left out not being able to hang out every once in awhile at least and that's when I have to take a deep breath and pause for peace of mind being a full-time caregiver of my elderly dad who suffers from dementia and Alzheimer's things can get pretty bad and it is a daily struggle make no mistake about that and at the same time I'm not complaining I'm just stating the facts and I know it's only going to get harder as this horrible disease slowly kills him by killing off his brain cells it's to the point where he will no longer be able to even eat not solid foods and perhaps not even be able to speak I've already become at times someone whom he does not recognize even though for the past 8 years I've been by his side sometimes the pain I feel is like watching someone you love bleed to death and calling nine-one-one won't bring them back and all I can do is hold their hand and try to stop the blood from coming by putting pressure on the area with a bleeding is coming from however I must remain a soldier I must be his eyes and his ears his voice even if I have to shed a few tears I have made a commitment to be there and do the best that I can to keep Dad at home but I know that there is going to come a time where the level of care he will need I will not be able to give him but until then and whatever maybe God's will I'll just keep pausing for peace