Maybe it's cause I don't know what to do with my life
How can I live right when I'm use to doing the wrong
Trying to fit in with the middle class like this is where I belong
I'm held up in this deep crack of life like a thong
Drinking heavily and taking hits from the bong
My minds ready to explode like a car hooked up to a time bomb
Most of the time I contemplate on what I'm going to do
Never sure if I'm making the right move
Loosing every bolt and screw that's attached to my brain
Since my mom's died I ain't ever been the same
Twelve years since then and I'm still struggling as a man
Putting on a smile and chuck a few laughs but it's all pretend
I just want to hide and stay hidden like a cop in the Klan
Blank thoughts and stares when I look down at my hands
There's blood on them but it's invisible
Maybe it's one of the few reasons why I feel miserable
Thinking it's what I had to do to bring food to the table
Sex addict to help get rid of the stress and static
Y'all play victim but never want the full story
Bullied and then outcaskted just for my skin tone
Every day it was just me sitting all alone all on my own
Had enough one day and got rough not giving a fuck
Just my luck I'm blamed for standing up for myself
It's not my fault the school left me to rot on the shelf
My minds fucked from all my friends that suffered casualtie
And I'm supposed to act like that doesn't bother me
Who am I to complain I'm here to breath again
Asking my depression what do you got to gain
My hearts got a black stain that just won't fade away
Someone's missing and I miss her till this day
I'm pissed at the world for making me so cold
My life is complex and If you try to understand you'll just fold
My mind is stuck on that fuck this and fuck that mentality
Tired of trying to fix the way that I act outside of my body
I pray to God and I'm still waiting for him to answer back
I'm sure he will or maybe I'm just impatient
Waiting to be healed like a clinically sick patient
Wanting to grab a blade and slit my wrist vertically
Watch the blood drip and flow quickly off of the table
I had dropped enough tears to make a new ocean
You don't know pain if you don't feel my emotion
I feel rotten, unforgiving and just so unbearable
I can't stand the skin I'm in and I ain't talking color
I'm sick of myself and that's why I damage my own health
My siblings tell me to just give up on the cigarettes
I like the way it hurts my chest is one of my personal secrets
If that ain't enough I drink monsters like it's water
Why should I care most days I feel I don't matter
It's funny how my enemy's wish my blood would splatter
I feel throbbing in my head but it's just the demons knocking
Minds like an electric fence and it's always shocking
Most of the time I'm told I'm a dead man walking
Looking over my shoulder and see the devil and reaper stalking together
Maybe they think I'll stutter but instead I'm just full of laughter
How can I act happy when I'm such a bad actor
Growing out my hair cause I no longer care on appearance
This is the mind of a lost soul with many wants and plenty needs
I'm pissed off for more things so another time another explanation.
©602frost
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