PLEASE

Teach me how to be strong
Because thats what you always
Want me to be
Show me how I should fight
Coz alone I keep loosing
Walk with me through this
Because alone I can't
You know my story
You know I'm struggling
You know the pain I go through
Everyday to fake this smile
You know how hard it is
For me to breath
I'm chocking in my tears
I'm drowning in my fears
I'm loosing grip of my self
If you can, save me
I know we speak a different language
I know I'm hard to understand
Impossible to love
My tantrums freak you out
I know how bad you trying
To atleast make me smile
Even with miles apart
I know you are doing your best
But it feels like you are giving up on me
I'm a pain
I'm in pain
That I know
At times you wish
You hadn't met me
That I'm sure
The other day I got so angry
Just because you didn't reply to me
I threw a tantrum just because
You failed to pick my call
I'm sorry
It's not my fault
I can't control my emotions
I don't even know how I act
When angry
I can't control it
I can't help it
How I wish you understood
Many came and left
But now I'm afraid
Afraid you will also leave
And I'll have no one to blame
No one but my BPD
My silly anxiety
Which always reminds me of how
Much of a mess I'm
Listen
Don't be there for me
Just because you pity me
Don't act like you care
When deep down you are only there
There to make me feel loved
Which isn't in you
A one sided expectation
Which will only break you more
Just stop fixing me
Because I'm only breaking you
Just stop trying
When deep down you are lying
Lying to your self that you care
I'm tired of pain
I'm tired of being Mara
Maybe once I get rid of the pain
You will finally be happy
Once I'm out of the way
You will have a wonderful life
I'm contemplating suicide
I just pray this time I end it all
I can't keep pretending
I'm okay because all I think
About is dying and I'm not
Sure how much longer
I can hold to this life
That I don't want
©mara_pain
Life is a series of pain.
©mara_pain