I've watched people slowly
Losing interest in me
I've watched people no longer replying
To my text
I've watched people I know
Turn into people I used to know
No wait
I've watched people avoid me
Not because I have a virus
Or maybe BPD is some sort
Of a virus
For it makes people not want to be part
Of your life
For it makes people isolate you
Not because its infectious
But because no one cares
They all turn their backs on you
Calling you difficult
Calling you an attention seeker
Making fun of you
Talking behind your back
It's as if you chose it on your self
This isn't new to me
I've felt it more and more
Been through it more than a million times
I've always staid locked up in my room
Isolated my self from the world
Sanitized my hands with my own blood
Bathed with my tears
All these years my daily routine
Has been isolation
This lonely life has always been mine
Having no one by my side
Having no one to turn to
No one to talk to
Even those I considered
My ride or die
Died long time ago
And reincarnated
As just people around
That once were real to me
I remember when I said
That it didn't matter
That I was getting used to this kinda life
Well I lied
My heart was broken
Into so many pieces
That each time I tried fixing it
It ended up being more broken
And I won't lie to you
Some of the pieces got lost
And there's no way
I'll ever be whole again
And it hurts
It's so hard to rediscover
The person I was before depression
It's so hard to smile again
To laugh
To have fun
Without having to fake it all
The more I try to find my self
The more I loose my self
I'm lost in my head
With the voices getting louder
Each day
With the monsters winning
In every battle
It hurts that I'm a victim
Of my own self
It hurts that I'm hurting me
And I can't stop no matter
How hard I try
I still hurt my self even more
It feels like I'm in an abusive relationship
With my self
I love my self so much
But I don't love Me back
One way relationships hurt
You know
And this hurts
I feel betrayed
By own self
I feel disown by me
Little did I know
That my miserable life
Had an unique name
what was the name again?
Quarantine
Yeah that one
©mara_pain
Life is a series of pain.
©mara_pain
M