In my life
I've done a lot
I've made dozens of mistakes
I won't lie to you
Each night tears fill my eyes
My pillow gets soaked
I won't hide it I regret
I regret the kinda person
I grew up to be
I know many won't admit
But today let me
I've always been the problem
In every relationship
Not forgetting friendship
My bitter self always ruined me
I was toxic to everything and everyone
I destroyed things
With my own hands
Pushed people who cared away
Broke up with people
Whose intentions were only to love me
I hurt them
Broke them
Tortured them
All in the name of love
But still played the victim
Do you wanna know why???
Because I'm a bitter person
Who never believed that
Anyone would care
Who never believed that
Someone would love her
I've never forgiven my self
For I still hold my self responsible
For everything that happened to me
I blame me for the many times
I was raped
I blame me for the many times
I was in an abusive relationship
Something I never talked about
I blamed me for believing one day
The blows would stop
And he would love me
The same way I loved him
You see this made me not to trust
Anyone
With all that my anxiety would remind me
Of all the times I cried
Begging them to stop
Pleading with them not to hurt me
Not again for it was too much to bare
I went through all that in silence
And all these made me a monster
A careless human being
With no self love
Who hated her self beyond measures
Yes that's my truth
But again
Was it really my fault?
Do people really wish bad things
On themselves?
Do people ask to be hurt?
come on answer me
Why did all these happen to me?
A question I've never had an answer to
I regret
All the times I pushed people away
Then sat down and wondered
Where everyone went
I regret
For all the times I slit my wrists
Watched my blood drip on the ground
As tears flowed freely down my cheeks
I regret
For all my wasted tears years
To everyone I've ever been rude to
To the people I treated badly
I regret for being me
I know sorry won't change a thing
For so many apologized
And I never listened nor forgave
I was so bitter and wanted
Them to suffer as well
I know karma is already dealing with some
Yes I stalk them
And I guess that's the reason I've never
Moved in the first place
So you know I've forgiven everyone
I nolonger hold it anymore
For many are suffering for their own
Stupid deeds and that's enough
The only person who need my forgiveness
Is me , my self and I
For all the times I blamed me
I'M SORRY
For all the times I cut
I'M SO SORRY
For all the times I was bitter
I'M SO SORRY
I'm letting go of everything
And letting God take control
Of everything
©mara_pain
Don't let your pain define you.
©mara_pain
M