I remember the days hunched over the toluene bowle throwing up bile because my stomach was to empty to actually throw up, but the siren song in my mind had drugged me into thinking that even that clear liquid coming out of my body was the thing makeing me into the fat monster I saw in the mirror,
I remember the days where I only ate apple sauce and bread, and the days where even that was to much,
I remember the binge drinking of water and vodka, and the painful hungar that I loved so much, the hunger that ment I was getting smaller,
I rember the days spent standing proud on a scale 3 and 4 times a day praying for a change in between times
I rember thinking that I was to "pu*sy" to have a "real" ED and that I was such a fat pig that I couldn't keep myself from eating so I just had to throw it up, I rember reading about people with anorexia and wishing I could be that strong, I actually thought that, I know now that anyone who is fighting threw their ed is strong, and so are the people who are still run by it, but those run by it are simply un aware of the gravity of their situation
©celine.h
C