SAD

I messed up big time
Called it quits just to be alone
I thought I'd survive without you
I thought I'd make it a day without thinking about you
But all was a lie
I think about you more than I think about anything
I woke up hoping I'd get a missed call from you
Checked my inbox to see if there was a text from you
Sadly there was none
I'm hurting and its all my fault
I'm broken and theres nothing I can do
Yesterday you asked me to stop playing with your feelings
I got hurt Dee was with you
I wanted to apologize and make things right
But the thought of her hugging you killed me
The thought of her making you laugh destroyed me
I know she's your best friend
I know there's nothing going on
But the fact that she was there with you when I hurt you finished me off completely
I tried killing my self last night
Typing this I'm in the hospital
I wanted to die and leave for good only to wake up here
That's why I broke up with you in the first place hoping my death wouldn't hurt you
As much as it would do if I was still your woman
I was rushed to the hospital and fuck they saved my life
How I wish they'd let me die
How I wish they never saved me
It's hurts me a lot that I failed yet again
It hurts me so much that I let my self down
I failed in our relationship
I failed as a sister and cousin
I failed as a daughter and an aunty
I failed in everything including killing my self
But I'm not giving up o
Once I'm out of here I'll just Cross the roads without looking hoping for a speedy speeding Subaru hits me to my death
I can't face you right now
I can't talk to you
How do I tell you that I'm sorry
How do I even start to explain how much I need you
How do I start
I lost you yesterday
I lost my self too
I'm dead already
Can this doctors just kill me and donate my heart to someone else who needs it more than I do coz I actually don't need it at all
I'm not good enough
I'm a looser
I'm a coward
I'm just everything bad
How I wish I never survived
©mara_pain
Life is a series of pain
©