I'm torn by the dark and light.
tortured by the absence of light.
the inevitability of what I could be.
suffocating endlessly by what I can become.
I'm the dark by nature.
the light creeping in the shadows.
rage somehow a seductress a mistress of the abyss.
yet I dream for a different kind of peace.
where trauma and rage is in the rearview.
and control most importantly is never to be seen again.
to immensely free to walk in the rain.
alone.
safe.
in a abundance of starlight that only comes in the night.
the quiet cuts through me like a knife.
yet I don't never mind.
to be without chatter.
with the following thoughts I can't leave behind.
yet they follow me like a lost puppy.
lingering clinging to me whenever I find happiness.
just to take.
just to swallow it whole.
yet I'm left with nothing.
yet I'm nothing.
tortured by the cold.
the agony of hurting.
just to lose control.
yet I am a mistake.
that's what you often say.
I'm ashamed of you.
the family that never goes away.
you haunt me.
you torture me.
it's obvious I don't want you around.
I want to run and keep running.
till it's me you no longer found.
I want to be done with you.
done with the agony of a family who never wanted me.
I didn't ask to be born.
so stop and leave me be.
for the sake of not wanting me.
stop the lies.
you're nothing but snakes.
I want peace.
not a heart that just aches.
not a family who makes me break.
©darkmocha
D