For 12 long years I didn’t say a word
I thought actions spoke louder than words
Your touch I felt on the outside
Was nothing compared to what I felt inside
Laying in my small twin bed
I lay there acting like I was dead
Knowing I could feel you touching me
I don’t know how you could not see
The silent sobs I accidentally let out
I lied there wanting to scream and shout
Get out of my room stop touching me
I clicked my heels one two three
Nothing happened and you were still there
Touching me every night I could not bare
Seeing you every Sunday praying and teaching
You could not practice what you were preaching
To live holy from day to day
But could you stop think listen to what you say
You caused me so much pain and agony
both physical but emotionally
What did I do to make you feel it was okay?
To touch me every night please stop I prayed
A moment of peace sometimes I had
Sleeping on my grandma’s floor wasn’t so bad
That was the only way I ever got out
Of the sexual abuse I could even count
How often I slept on the cold hard floor
To get away for you I couldn’t bare it anymore
But yet and still I try to trust and heal
If I would have said something I could probably deal
That it could have been stopped if I just said the words
But instead I kept quiet like a little bird
My grandma used to ask me is anyone hurting you
I’ll kill them dead if anyone hurts you
I would say no because she was all I had
If she killed him I would have been left alone and sad
I did not have parents to be there for me
So if I lost her I didn’t know where I would be
Where I would end up it could be 10x worse
I felt life without her was just a curse
But yet and still through all the misery
I hope to be the woman God has chosen me to be
The pain and hurt eventually heals
Don’t be like me and use pills to deal
An irreversible solution to a temporary problem
Is no way to deal with it suicide won’t solve them
Please know that you are not alone
No matter what you think I hope this has shown
Speak out about what’s happening now
The love of Christ is what I found
When I finally decided to speak the words
That I hid inside that needed to be heard
That’s the only way you can start to deal
With the problem at hand and truly heal
©jasimine
J