ive Been alone my whole life and the funny part is being alone is my bigest fear. Ive been alone my whole life yet im still afraid. Ive lived in fear for so long and no matter how far i run or how many people and fake friends i seround myself with i still feel alone. Sometimes i get so scared i get sick for days or even weaks. I get depressed and there is nothing i can do to stop it. They say in hell you completely alone. If thats true then im already there. ive been alone and afriad so long it feels like an eternity. ive lived so many lives already and all of them feel the same. i try to stop this feeling but it only grows. it begins to burn like fire. everyone says its my fault yet when i try to change they tell me not to. that i shouldnt change. that its not worth it. little do they know ive spent every day in this hell being what they say i should be. so long that i forgot who i am and what my perpose is. my perpose has became the very thing that huants me. ive always been kind and quiet but no matter what im treated like trash. spit on and made to feel worthless. then when i finally say ive had enough and start to crumble everyone trys to act nice. tell me they are here and act like they care. they just dont want to lose the only person they have to pick on. im like a punching bag. when i get worn they try to mend me but i will never be the same as i was when i was brand new. full of dreams wich have been crushed over time. all i want is to be truly loved and to know who i am. what i am here for. what my perpose is. i will never know. even when i am dead i will feel the same. nothing will change.
©deadly
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