a teardrop fell from my eye as I was getting yelled at again for the millionth time.
stuck in between a boy and a man I wanted it to stop.
I wanted to calm the loudness in my head.
the thoughts that made me bleed and told me I was better off dead.
as I cried myself to sleep at night on a pillow thread.
no mother I barely had a father and yet I felt so alone in a crowded world where soft wasn't a word.
I spent my days hating myself acting out just to get help.
wrestling with demons yet I didn't have a clue how.
wishing my dad side of the family was normal somehow at least compassionate yet all I got was yelled at and put in a mental and emotional cage.
I was their bitch.
their slave.
their do anything good to please them endless doormat.
I was their nothing and I knew it.
I spent years in hospitals mental facilities till it left me numb.
at school I couldn't communicate clearly.
simple emotions were foreign to me.
when I saw a girl I liked I stamper on words.
a smile and I ran for the hills.
lustful thoughts often kept me warm.
yet love was foreign to me I was a caveman in a modern world.
bullies and most people stay away from me like I had the plaque.
I was nothing at home, and I felt like nothing at school when All I wanted was for someone to tell me I'm ok.
college was no different.
I was always alone.
I flunked out cuz the teachers went over my head.
this was no place to be soft.
I often found myself crying silent in my head.
the louder I cried, the numbier I felt,
winter was brutal to me.
work force was just like highschool.
summer I often felt alone.
dates made me into a vampire to my own heartache.
there was no love for someone soft.
till I was no longer soft.
but cold blooded.
harsh.
cruel.
cuz I was done crying done with the hell that plaque me deep.
no longer a puppet I cut the strings and now I'm free.
©darkdeity
D