My mind is chaotic.
My hearts beating fast.
My adrenaline is pumping.
How long will this last?
The bullets are flying.
From my weapon and theirs.
My brothers are dying.
I'm feeling their fears.
The blood on my hands.
I don't think that it's mine.
But I've been in this land.
For too long of a time.
Explosions to the left.
Screaming to the right.
I'm feeling the strain.
It continues all night.
The battle is over.
the firefight won.
A harsher battle.
Has now begun.
I'm all alone now.
All my brothers are dead.
I'm hearing their voices.
It's all in my head.
I'm seeing their faces.
As I walk through these sands.
I'm tasting the dust.
Covering both my hands.
My waters on empty.
My spirits run low.
My body is getting weak.
I'm losing my soul.
I make it to shelter.
Here I'll stay for the night.
But before the sun breaks.
I find myself in a fight.
This battle seems hopeless.
I want to give in.
I see the grim reaper.
With his black tooth grin.
Now the bullets have hit me.
My blood starts to shed.
I'm getting sleepy.
And longing for bed.
But the fight isn't over.
I have a battle to lose.
I'll give them all hell.
This is the life that I choose.
Then I wake up in silence.
My wife by my side.
This was all a dream.
Another time my mind lied.
But it's not purely fiction.
Sadly, I wish it was though.
But this battle I speak of.
Is one I can not let go.
They all say it's just guilt.
For being the only left alive.
But from the cliffs of my sanity.
I begin a slow dive.
I medicate myself.
With whiskey, women and speed.
Despite all their voices.
Telling me to take heed.
One day I'll drink too much.
And it won't be much fun.
Cause I know then I'll end up.
Eating my gun.
I remove me from the problem.
Give my liver a break.
Only to find that an illness.
My life would take.
Now I sit in the darkness.
My family all concerned.
But I'm a soldier of "valor"
Whose soul has been burned.
Every funeral an invite.
To end this pain.
But I haven't the courage.
To live this life and sustain.
So I pick up the bottle.
Put that gun in my hand.
Light up a Marlboro.
Before I find the promised land.
As I sit there sipping.
And take another drag.
I feel my heart weaken.
My breath starts to lag.
My brothers are calling.
They're bringing me home.
But I ask them to stop.
I can't leave my family alone.
Leave me in this prison.
This place meant for me.
I was a soldier of "valor".
Now there's nothing for me.
©jarnmarr
J