Sometimes I just wanna commit suicide then I look into my son's eyes and I change my mind. I love him so much more than whatever I'm going through... Just one more day, I hope it get's better someday.
The other night I cried while he watched, and I felt so bad he had to see me that way, i'm supposed to be strong, strong for the both of us but I'm failing him. He just stared at me it's as if he knew what was going on. He didn't even disturb me as usual, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.
All I want is for him to have a better life than I ever did, I want my little man happy, I'm ready to sacrifice my whole damn world for him and I'm never gonna leave his side, we'll make it, how I don't know but I'm sure we will.
I know I'm messed up right now, but I'm trying my best to be the very best mom to him, I stayed away from the blades, even though every inch of me pushed me to them I stayed clean for my child.
I know I've failed in a lot of things but one thing is for sure, I'm never going to fail as a mom, I'm never going to let my baby down, I'm never going to let him feel what I'm feeling and I promise never to break down infront of him ever again.
Listen son, you are going to archive everything I never archived, mama will make sure you shine, you are going to be very successful coz I'll always have your back, I'll push you so hard to greatness because I brought you into this world and I'll make sure you will always be happy.
You will never go through the hardships I went through, you will never go to bed crying asking why you ain't enough coz baby I'll make sure you'll know your worth, no one will ever step on you, no one will ever put you down, because mama got you.
I'll always have your back no matter what my love. I love you so much, I love you more than anything in this world, thank you for adding meaning into my life, thank you for giving me a reason to live, thank you for making me strong, thank you for being my light.
With so much love.. Mama
©mara_pain
©mara_pain
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