why did she have to go through all that hell?!
she might've been the only true Christian I ever knew, such a sweet person, with such grand intelligence and designs, all those things I learned from her, I wonder if she knows, how much I appreciate her being there, for all those years! I wonder, if anyone ever thinks about this sort of thing sometimes, not just the places they come from, but, the people they come from, and surely not just the need to become themselves rather than those who came before, but why, and how, could it have been different for HER?! if I had ANY of the answers to ANY of those questions, my father, would be around for her to talk to, but that calamity left, before I was born and so, I could not confirm, nor deny, ANY, of the suspicions I HAD about the world, I had to stumble through it alone, without the slightest guidance from him, save for those that my other parent had remembered about him, and any SHE had had, or come up with, how many sacrifices had she made?! just so I could be comfortable in the world, much less, not starved, much less clothed and educated, driven around like a chauffer, for all of my childhood and adolescence, and even some of my adult life.
I left the nest and made my own several times, each time new challenges and hurdles presented themselves, usually camouflaging themselves as other more interesting things, sometimes being honestly meant, to be in the way, and only that. I ran straight into a few of those, head on, several of them knocked me on my ass, and I had to get up, several times, just brushing off the dust, took much longer than even standing up, at least once I was knocked clean out of my shoes, that was either my first sex or my first heavy chemical, but eventually, after I realized that I just couldn't maintain such an addiction, to another human, that I chained myself to not only MY cages but also THEIR cages as well, I began to realizing, the utter absurdity, of power versus humanity, humanity will always lose that contest, because power abhors a vacuum, and not everybody even WANTS to control the world! but, I guess we've got to enjoy it while we can, because we may never pass this way again!
who knows, we may just, AND have happened to have learned something from this particular time, our existence...
the fragility of existence, and the opulence of power, imagine the difference, if somehow the laws of nature, were rewritten, and the potentials of the universe, were to become the entropies, or the stagnations? or the zero points?! what would power then become? if the potentials were that radically transformed?
tell me that's a burned out question, go ahead, tell me I'm imagining things, tell me I'm wandering, oh yeah, also, tell me I'm STRUGGLING! mister teacher, struggling with just how the hell you expect me to think, that you have the slightest inclination of who I am!
tell me this and I might just decide to sympathise with you, that you teachers aren't getting paid NEARLY enough, to educate, what we all keep claiming to refer to as the FUTURE??!! OH teacher, come on, profess this to me! tell me teacher, where in your grand frustrations about the world, is it etched in stone, that we MUST Revere davos'? that we MUST Revere Pfizer, that we MUST emulate Texaco and Apple and Google, we MUST all sing along, with ALL, of the very most confusing pronouns possible, so that we stay angry enough to question YOU! and of course, the man behind the curtain, that you keep on telling us all to ignore, that pulls our attentions to the left and to the right, maddening our collective mental and social dervish, right into a frenzy, until we obliterate, your competition, US!
that IS the way you perceive us, isn't it, oh grand powers that be! we are your competition, and the very consumers of the various fuels, that YOU produce! and you see the end nearing too! yet you won't give an inch to anybody awake enough to question it because, you're ALSO aware of the fragility of the system, so much so that you've discovered no other choice but to limit the number of liabilities that present themselves to you, in essence, the number of humans, who can think critically, for themselves. because those, are the greatest threat, to your continuing hold, on the power, that you so cherish, what you don't, or won't understand though, is that power, is even more fragile that you anticipate, because now, with instantaneous communication, available, your precious ego, and reputations, are more malleable than ever! and your whole house of cards is going to burn down any second, good luck with that!
©danjor
D