Reminders of the son I would have had keep my heart in a constant cycle of feeling that I am no better than dirt
The reminder that you left everything behind, the thought of your refusal and denial of the simplest of requests to pull your weight
The loss I feel
It tugs on my heart as if a kraken laid it's mighty tentacles and spines through it and were ripping it apart
The less than ideal replacements
The still unknown
Everything behind why I sit alone in the house at night and pretend that my soul is not ripped apart
I gave you your life
I built the foundation, the walls, and the floor you dropped me on
locking me within myself
These halls are filled with memories of the fights, the names are painted on the Windows from the words we flung at each other like dung from a monkey
I am not okay
I never will be
©hallowman
H