to love you.
then let you go.
to be loved.
and feel doomed.
to be wanted.
and feel undesirable.
yet I think of you.
I can't get you out of my head.
make up excuses to dream about you like my thoughts aren't my own.
yet every day and night I want to be smothered by your lipstick stained kiss.
yet when it rains it's you I miss staring out the cold of a window with a longing vacant stare.
knowing I will never be good enough.
yet there is still love.
in my dreams I have flashbacks of your porcelain pale soft skin.
the skin I haven't yet touched but adore so much.
yet my heart hurts.
this ache still stabbing me though I belong to someone else.
yet it's a bashful thinking of a fool.
to love what he's so bounded to lose.
yet my flushed red cheeks tell no lies.
the longing crawling inside me like a bug.
yet you're magically delicious and I wanna taste you like a drug.
my one and only aching guilty pleasure yet I can't have you.
the constant eye candy my heart betrays me for.
yet obscene naughty things plaque my existence just to want you.
yet I never deny how I feel.
how you make me feel.
yet I'm torn every time I'm alone.
as my mind wanders lost.
paralyzed intoxicated in a trance.
that always leads to you.
yet I learn to love someone who is not you.
and it pains me internally.
to want heaven but can't reach it.
yet I fall to My knees every time I seen it in the blue of your eyes.
©darkdeity
D