suicide seems inevitable. I have never been as sad as I am these days. suicide seems like the answer, though permanent solution to a temporary problem, it seems the only answer. These days I feel unworthy of love attention or hope. Hope seems to be a far grasp away like when you look at low clouds and think, I could reach up and touch them. hope is far fetched and a long lost friend. suicide seems like the easy way out. I feel suicide, though something I want, makes me feel like a cowards way out. suicide is not the answer that I want. I want happiness and hope. I want to swing on the swings and laugh and cry happy tears. I want to kiss and be kissed. I want friends who don't have to babysit me. I want friends who are excited to be with me. however, thoughts of suicide creep in and it's all I can do to keep them quiet long enough to make new friends. suicidal thoughts make it hard to breathe some days. I feel that I am no more than a fish trying to breathe out of water. suicidal thoughts make it impossible to feel the love and care from others that so desperately want to help me but I've put up a wall around my heart and won't let them in. I have to be brave and start taking the wall down. but alas for today I block out everyone and swim around in the thoughts of suicide and wallow in my dispair. suicide seems the only answer.
©ahorton6
B