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Suicide Notes

I'm a few feet from mum and dad’s room but I feel like I'm miles away
My brothers are in the next room but I can’t find the words to say
That I feel like I'm drowning and people keep telling me to swim, get myself to shore
But deep down I feel like I'm burning with a cold fire ablaze in my very core
And all I got are these words, that fill my pages like the HP bars in the video games
And if I run out of them soon, will I have conquered and achieved any of my aims
Did I even have any aims and goals to begin with, or were those assigned to me
If You're playing a trick or using me, please Lord open my eyes so I can see
What am I doing all of this for, please tell me what it means
To be stuck doing Your work for a whole bunch of ungrateful beings
Please forgive my rudeness, I don’t mean to sound so upset and petty
But if You gave me these gifts and this mission, why do I feel so alone and shitty
Give me a sign that You love me too
The same way You send me to love these fools
Dear Lord, I'm grieving for the strength and the love that I never had
Please take me back home if wanting to be understood is that bad.
And there goes my latest suicide note, up in flames.
©_malwar3