laying here wide awake, a quarter after mid night. I'm desperately trying to organize my thoughts and catigorize my emotions, but at this moment i find it impossible to write anything down.
my emotions are irratic. can't decide whether i want to laugh scream or cry. my mind is blank, other than all hurt and pain. it's like a white piece of drawing paper has taken over my mind.
unable to even deal with one emotion at a time. they all erupt at once from deep inside
my subconscious mind, as if making me burst is my brain on and only plan
I have never really been a woman to display one emotion and that would be tears. that emotion to me is a sign of weakness, so I taught my self not to shed tears at all
this is how I led my life up until I hit 28 it then seemed like that emotion was all I knew how to do morning noon and night. didn't matter where I was store work or home. I couldn't control it my eyes would just lose it and cry puddles under neith me.
crying is what babies do because they are unable to to talk and tell you what it is they want or need, as for me I'm a grown as woman perfectly capable of using words to tell someone how I feel, so crying again is the only emotion that is not tolerated from me
©bodacious
B