I miss you and home. Starting college is hard. Sometimes I wish you were still here to get me through it. Every step feels like a new battle only I don't know if I'm winning anymore. I keep walking, so I guess that means I'm doing something right. Right? Bubba, I don't know if I can get through this. I'm hitting such a hard spot. My heart doesn't hurt it aches. It longs for something more. I want Dyllen here, so I can cry freely. I want to pass and I want you here to be proud of me and I want Trenton to be here to love me and make me laugh. I want a genuine smile that I can mean. I want to be better. I am so sick of hearing that these things take time. That's like saying let's watch it kill you slowly. I want my heart not to ache anymore and I can't make friends, because when I go home I miss them and cry again. Taking a shower is the worst though... When I shower I think over my entire day and all of the weight falls on my shoulders and chest and my heart aches the most. I don't feel like I can stand, so I lean against the wall and shudder like a camera lens. I ache so badly and I don't know how to stop it, so I run from it. I don't know who did this to me or if I am the problem, but I can't fix it anymore. I can't keep holding back or my heart might give out and go away. Help me please
8/18/20, 11:19 PM
©katherine
K