One time a councilor told me that it was funny how much love I gave out for I never really loved myself. She laughed but I went home and Dr yes myself to sleep. When I was 7 years old I learned to hate myself. By 8 I had shed enough tears to quench the thirst of a thousand dying people. At the age of 11 when I heard of people dying from simple daily things I stopped morning and started admiring them. At 13 years of age I thought that if I cut my legs enough gravity would release me from this joke I call a life. Maybe if I found a temporary solution I could live long enough to find this funny. I would cry until I was ashamed of my tears. I had caused them not anyone else. I was weak for there were others out there strong enough to bear the responsibilities of all others on there shoulders and still hold there heads high while I was one of the ones they were left to carry. No matter how I tried life seemed to bring me down. I wrote all the time smearing my blood along the pages to remind myself that everything beautiful has consequences. I thought if I could write enough maybe I could give myself up to the craft and and become one with it. I have died over and over again. Everyday like another tick mark I add to my body drawing my pain with a blade like an artist would use a paintbrush. The artist made my life a sunset. Slowly fading. so beautiful but gone so soon. But you were the moon that lit up my dark world. You illuminated all that scared me revealing the beauty of the night. So when I say I love you I mean loving you almost makes life worth living. When I say I love you I mean that loving you almost makes me forget how much I hate my self. Loving you is taking all the love I could never give myself and putting it to good use. When you say I love you it reminds me that someone can live a dying thing like myself and hold my hand of my dead body and love everything about my flaws. If someone can love me then maybe I can learn to love again and even tho your love can't heal me I can maybe learn to love myself enough to want to gather up my broken prices and put myself back to what I once was. I will always be a woman of pain and the scars will never fully heal but with you near me at least there is hope that one day I can finally live without the fear of the dark.
©bob_build
B