I can't remember,
When I died exactly -
Although,
Knowing myself,
It probably involved something really stupid,
Or really absurd.
I stood in line,
Like all the other spirits -
We were about to embark
On the realm of the afterlife -
Where all our fates
Of our spirits lie -
Heaven or Hell? -
For me,
Either one will do.
Because,
Due to my luck,
I got stuck listening,
To two valley girls,
From behind me -
Who just gossiped,
About the afterlife -
As if,
They were entering a night club.
Their conversation went like this:
" Like oh my god,
I heard that this afterlife,
Is going to be like totally sick. "
" Oh yeah!?
Well I heard,
That the after afterlife,
Is going to be even more hip. "
" What,
No way!?
By hip,
Do you mean the joint
Between the femur,
And acetabulum of the pelvis? "
" Totally!
Wait what?
No.
I mean it's going to be off the hook. "
" Oh my god,
That's totally rad. "
They both screamed in excitement.
With their valley girl dialect,
I began to develop a migraine -
I prayed that they would just stop,
But they kept on chatting -
" So ...
Is like Bradley,
Going to be there? "
" I believe so.
I heard he'd like,
Tried to do the flip trick,
On his skateboard -
But something went wrong,
That he ended up,
Doing the splits,
And ripping the crotch,
Outta his pants -
" Oh my god,
That is like
Totally sick! "
" Yeah totally.
The shock alone,
Ended up killing him. "
" Bummer.
Anyway,
What about Josh? "
" Oh yeah,
He's totally going to be there -
After drinking poison,
Just for the fun of it.
" Why would he do that? "
" Just because he could. "
" My god,
That's so cool. "
" I know, right!? "
They screamed again in excitement.
They just kept on going,
And going,
And going.
I felt my head,
Was about to burst.
Until a light,
Flashed before my eyes.
As it turned out,
I was next in line,
To enter the afterlife.
I felt a sigh of relief,
Enter through the course,
Of my body.
Rising within my very soul.
What felt like an eternity,
The light began to dim -
It seemed to form,
Into a wild inferno -
And there,
A shadowy figure,
Stood in the foreground.
As my eyes adjusted,
I realized it was some sort of demon -
With razor sharp horns,
Black glasses and buck teeth.
It also had a name tag,
That read -
' Hello,
My name is Devil Dave. '
Holding cue cards,
Devil Dave began talking -
" Duh Durr Uhh,
Welcome to Hell.
Hope you enjoy your stay. "
So,
I ended up in hell,
But at least I was safe,
From the valley girl spirits -
At least,
Until I heard -
" Oh my god,
It's so hot. "
" Yeah,
Like totally. "
©jaykirish
J