The beast within torments me at night it causes me to shake and keeps me awake. My thoughts run wild with what he will do to me. My heart races a million paces, my mind runs wild with thoughts of my demise. I start to sweat from the idea that my time has come. I can't breathe and I start to feel numb. My mind goes through what of the people I Iove ? how will they be without me ? all of my regrets and how I'll never see my redemption, dreams that will never see the light of day and wishes that will never come to fruition. But then the thought of temporary freedom flashes across my mind. All I need to do is reach out for that bliss and I'll be fine. Paradise in the form of a bottle or pill. Crush, inhale, swig and I'm enveloped with the illusion of freedom yet unaware or either don't care that I just made the beast that much more powerful, it's grasp upon me that much stronger. I feel lost, hopeless and broken for it's completely taken over. I feel it's over when I awake the next day yet the feeling of freedom is fleeting, because it's just the beginning. Suicide crosses my mind, it seems the only escape from the labyrinth of this living hell. This doom that follows no matter where I go. Everytime I believe it's over, everytime I believe I'm free he tackles me down to the ground and the nightmare begins again. What am I living for, chaos ? Panic ? Monotony ?
No ! I keep fighting because I know I'll beat him eventually, I just need to remain strong because after all the beast within me......
is me
©joeyrusso
J