Why exactly do I even want to be friends with them...with her?
Is it cause she's popular?
cause she's friends with those people...those guys?
What exactly do I gain from this friendship?
It's like being aware of the dangers of a thorn bush but still sticking your hand in any way,
It's like knowing there's a short cut to a place but for no reason passing the long way,
it's like going to a birthday party when it's actually no one's birthday,
Yes I'm sad
Yes I want new friends
Yes I need stronger relationships where I can express my feelings freely and be comfortable every time
Yes I want to walk home with friends and actually talk about interesting things and laugh and make jokes and not keep trying to fit into the walk path just so I can be part of the conversation
Walking alone either behind or in front yet walking with your friends
Screaming inside and over thinking every word just to be "apart"
It has no ending
Because no matter how happy you might feel when one apologises, as long as either of you remains the same the situation will never change,
The only thing that's left, if the relationship is to be continued, is to live in the happy and sad moments, regret later and repeat the cycle again and again... and again.
©doona
D