the outcome.
this poem is about someone I deeply miss.
the outcome wasn't supposed to end this way and I feel its all my fault.
the petty young girl I am made you leave.
but that doesn't change the fact that after you left,
you left me for someone else.
you weren't mine anymore.
but the enternal pain was hard to bear.
seeing you with her lights a fire inside me.
that fire consists of anger, jealousy, and longing.
longing for the fact that I wish I still had the same presence in my life as before,
the longing that nothing had ever changed between us.
but now it did. and im still hurting because of a decision I made almost four months ago.
and who's to say you didnt like her when I broke up with you. so now I'm the one that's hurt and missing you, while your with the new girl.
and now your happy with her and without me.
I miss you more than you know and I wish I still had your presence in my life. it was really a life changer for me.
I think of you when I listen to the song yellow by coldplay because that one was always our favorite, "you know I love you so". I always meant it when I said I loved you, because I did. I used to not be able to listen to that song without sobbing. many of my friends don't know I feel this about you and don't know how deeply attached to your presence I am. I'm not obsessed, I just miss you. and they will understand soon. I tell myself I don't have feelings for you, which may or may not be true, but all I miss and want is you. the way you always called me pretty and how you always wanted to see my face. the way every conversation with you always flowed naturally and I was always smiling when I texted you. the way you made me laugh and giggle at the texts you would send. you always thought you weren't good enough, but you were always good enough for me.
and up until the last text I sent you, you made me realize that what I was carrying wasnt okay, and you made me okay. and even in the last text I sent you, you still always found a way to help even if it wasn't ever your problem. there's no way I can get you back now and I know that but I wish and hope in some world there was an outcome where we were something.
M