Nothing is as it seems no more ,everything feels like it’s gone crazy and wild, you feel lost in a life you have known for a far to long, the darkness is getting thicker and leaving you in a slump, what should you do , would should I do , I’m lost and everything I have ever know is all wrong , learning your whole life is a lie is what kills you in the inside.
Mummy why did you lie , why didn’t you tell me that not very family has to deal with there father drinking and beating there mother, not every family has to deal with police turning up at there door in the early hours of the morning. Not even child has to defend there mother from getting hit or thrown, not every child has to watch as there father turned into the monster from there nightmares.
It didn't seem fair, I grown up with this and learnt it like it was the truth to life and now I know it was all wrong in ever possible way possible.
Brother why didn’t you speak to someone , someone at school they could of the put a stop to it all, sister why didn’t you speak up , why didn’t you think of us the little ones who had grow up learning this was what family should be like.
I don’t understand and know my soul and memory are all wrong, my father is a monster my family is in bits, my childhood is gone and now I grown to an adult in bitter despair how life is so unfair how I didn’t get a childhood.
How as a teen I was the adult to 4 years old crying as she watched her parents destroy each other , how I became the parent , how I became the protector and help as she cried her soul out over the monster that I was brought up with. Held her to keep her warm and safe , rocked her to keep the panic at ease.
Nothing I know is normal or right , it not fair how I learnt to be parent at age 15, how I learnt to give a child diner and put then to bed and calm them down when you mother was running after love for a monster.
Now I’m not in the family home no more and neither is little sister. You have no one now that the monster had left and run for the hills.
I can’t stop the monster of mine to come out at night as I rocked my self as the memory’s haunt my head my memory’s.
As I cry and wish this was all a dream but I know it all true it’s all the truth I once lived .
How I can’t move on because I can’t let the past go I can’t let you go, knowing you could of stopped it all and maybe I could of had a normal up bringing, knowing you watched hold little sister as she weped and you did nothing.
I grew up thinking father was the bad guy and the monster in are so called family but to learn later on in life that maybe j was wrong and maybe it was both of you.
C