The one that goes unnoticed
The one that's there, that's real
The me that never hides just overlooked
People say "you're so cheerful" "you're always smiling" "you're always happy"
But...
They never look
Deep down I'm sad, I'm crying, I'm hurting
Hurting from the pain
The pain I can't explain
I bottle up the pain, lock the pain away
They say" fake it till you make it"
But...
What if you fake it and never make it
I hide behind a smile
A smile that's fake, a smile that's a grimace
A grimace displaying the pain I locked away
Away with emotions, I can't explain
Explain with words, with actions
I'm lost...
Lost in the Jail where my pain grows & grows
The pain that's locked away till in burst
Bursts through the many chains keeping me sane
Sane with the numbness
Numbness that turns into uncontrollable pain
Pain from my heart, from my soul
I'm trapped...
Trapped with the never-ending tears
Tears that live in pain
What is wrong with me?
The question that fills my brain, fills the pain
The pain made my brain insane
Insane with uncontrollable emotions
Emotions that won't go away
Away with the pain, away with the loneliness
Loneliness caused by unimaginable pain
It's being me all over again
But...
I'm not in high school, I'm not a kid
I'm an adult
An adult who wants to be herself, be unique
Uniqueness isn't as accepted
"Be yourself" they say
But they're the ones who judge
The ones that created stereotypes, created standards
Standards on how to look, how to act, how to be successful
Success is stepping on others, forgetting morals, losing humbleness & dignity
What's the point if you have no humanity?
What's the point if I lose me?
Then...
Who is the real me?
Who am I to go against society standards, societies stereotypes
Who am I to feel I accepted
Who am I to feel depressed
Who am I to feel pain in my heart
Who am I to have dignity, to have morals
Who am I to be human
Well...
I'm me, I'm myself
I don't care about their close minds
I don't care about their prejudice ways
I'm human
I can feel pain, be hurt
I can be depressed, lonely
I can be myself
I won't be like them
I will have dignity
I will be humble
I will be kind
I still have morals
The real me is still there
Underneath all the sorrow, all the pain
At least that's what I think
The judgemental world made me lose myself
I'm depressed, I'm socially awkward
I have social anxiety
Labels...
You can give labels upon labels on how I feel
But how about I just don't like people, I don't like labels
Yea, I don't like people, yea, that's mean
But...
I've been judged, I've been bullied, I've been wronged
This world destroyed me, broke me
I'm still here
No one cares for anyone, that's just the world
Well,
I don't belong, I don't believe
The real me isn't some happy go lucky person
So what if I care about people
So what if I'm broken
So what if I cry
So what if I have values
That's part of me
My life, my normal
So what if I'm judged as emo
I like black, I like dark colors
I like that I'm different
I like that I'm finally the real me
I like that I can feel pain, I can be hurt
I'm human, I'm alive
I overthink, I feel depressed
But, that's okay
At least I know who I am
I'm unique
I'm perfect for me
I value life differently
I finally gained part of myself
I'm not just one way
There's millions of different emotions, feelings that makes me
I may be broken
But I'm also pieced together
That's the real me
12/28/19
©orchid
O