The Weight of The House

The Weight of The House

When you were gone,

I felt close to your heart,

Because of the promises made while apart.

I did the work to make up for the past,

Building a vision I hoped would finally last.

​When you returned,

everything felt so new,

I was confident,

happy, and trusted in you.

For once in my life,

I felt right in my skin,

Content with the person I’d found within.

We had the same goal,

or so I believed,

But I didn't know how soon I'd be deceived.

​Then you came home, and the "just once" began,

You lost your job, and we lost every plan.

Now it’s a downhill slide into the gray,

And I watch my security wither away.

​I’m anxious and frantic, I feel so small,

While I am the one who must carry it all.

The family depends on the strength I provide,

While you find a corner to pull back and hide.

​I hate these discussions, the mess in my head,

I’m cleaning up chaos you've planted and fed.

You’re drowning in shame and you're feeling the worst,

But I am the one putting everyone first.

​Improving our lives beats this dissociation,

But I hold my tongue, fearing your provocation.

You say I’m not "down" with a look on your face,

But I simply don't have the luxury of space.

​I don’t have the time to be broken or sad,

I’m too busy managing all that we had.

So I'll just be quiet

and lock up the door,