you said I needed to adjust.
like life is so simple.
how about supposing to be dead at birth.
or watching your grandmother who is your only mom draw her last breath.
or move to a dead ass town no friends you barely have social skills and they tell you to swim.
or getting bullied reluctantly by black girls cuz you like the prettiest white crazy girl in sixth grade that no one else likes and had to break up with them after your grandma died.
and you still say you need to adjust.
then years go by like a flea.
and bullying becomes more toxic more a way to torture you but instead it's at home.
adjustment becomes you need to change.
when you just like the little things about yourself just fine yet they want you to change.
to just put you under a scrapple and watch you bleed.
yet you just want to like yourself.
but they keep putting you underneath the magnifying glass.
just to make you feel smaller.
less visible.
invisible.
it made them feel better that's what your dad says.
just to be quiet and listen they would say.
but even when they are wrong.
years passed again.
and I got older.
but older became bitter.
they're words and not mine.
there's was no room for love or compassion I always left to be lesser than.
my social life declined as highschool became too much and still you needed to adjust they would say.
yet I had no friends.
I didn't go to parties.
I didn't have friends over cuz I was too shy and embarrassed to.
two years of my adolescent life was taken away cuz I couldn't cope with my uncle and aunts at home.
a lawnmower accident when I was twelve and no one cared.
I had no one.
no support system.
nothing.
cuz to them I am nothing but a kid.
31 years old and all I want to be away from them period.
to have the pain tears and heartache gone from my life.
they took every ounce of happiness from me.
so I want to end the cycle permanently.
cuz I will cut this family off.
I don't need the pain no more.
the agony.
I just want them to be out of my life for good.
©darkmocha
D