This fear, I've known it even before I could spell it
I've known it by its last name, it never goes away
this fear that glings to me like a shadow,
never leaving, never fading
this fear that gets me panting like a leopard that had just completed a marathon
like a thief being chased, even when l did nothing wrong
scared to sleep because I might wake up late
Oh! This fear of failing
the fear that if l fail, l might be replaced
if it's not done right, l might be replaced
the fear that if it's not perfect, it's not right
Even when it hurts, this fear tells me not to say it
Even when it's depressing, this fear tells me to face it
for the fear of being termed " like the rest" l should face it
the fear of being replaced if it's not perfect
The fear of the unknown
when it's peaceful for a long time, I start panicking
" it's strange, it's been awhile something bad happened"
Oh! the fear that it's the calm before the storm
l guess it's not the fear of the unknown
l just couldn't admit it
Even though l want to hate this fear so much, l couldn't hate it
l couldn't hate it because it's my drive,
my propeller
This fear that l need to do it right to not be replaced
this fear that l need to cry right
hurt right, or l would be considered"too weak"
this fear of staying even when it hurts, because if l leave, l might be stranded
if l leave, l might not make it far without failing,
and if l fail, l might be replaced
I'm not allowed to make a mistake, l can't afford that, people are watching
even when it hurts, l must endure it
that's the only way l can prove that I'm not like the rest
l hate it!
l hate this fear, but l wouldn't trade it
it's my inspiration
it's a force that drives me to do it right, because if it not perfect, it's not right, and if it's not right l might be replaced.
it's my lovehate story.
©rhodaajah
R