you had me in a most
all-encompassing way,
your unwilling host
as you fought to stay.
you didn’t protect me
but i clung to you;
the smoke would accept me
and muddle the truth.
i loved you like escape,
my own hole in reality.
i smoked you in vain,
and sometimes for my sanity.
exhaling toxic relief,
i invited decay.
you rid me of belief,
though to be rid of you i’d pray.
we enter this new age
debating against instinct,
coming into an evolved rage
wishing to scream itself extinct.
the thought of just one more
hovers below the conscious,
carries you into the before
to suddenly drop you into the subconscious.
each time, you promised
to pick away at my life.
my consumption felt honest;
i hated you like a bitter wife.
i inhaled perdition
as my lifeblood broke away
from my lungs with precision
and i swore to end it some other day.
not a single cigarette
will pass through me again.
if i have to produce a hundred vignettes
or poems in which to contain
your ravenous gore,
i’m saying goodbye
to the hurt i welcomed before,
to your misguiding light.
our five minutes of bliss,
scattered throughout the past,
have been sealed with one last kiss,
the irreplaceable buzz subsides fast.
as many times as it takes
to write the clearing of the coast,
i admit, of all my mistakes,
i will miss you the most.
©noodle
N