too much Red

I dream at night.
things that I can't yet say.
emotions I dared not feel.
words I dare not write.
visions of blood.
visions of pain.
visions of me just standing silently in the rain.
letting the dark become me.
as I become a living nightmare.
scared of the guy staring back at me in the mirror.
hatred I can't run.
hatred I can't let go of.
fore my past is my future.
my future is my past.
yet I run screaming till my lungs choke on air.
drowning in sorrow.
dancing in my hate.
and falling tragically stumbling in My guilt.
yet the trauma is real.
it haunts me everywhere like a ghost that I never buried I never put to rest my anguish of my childhood.
the years I can't tragically get back.
the years I was caged like a animal.
labeled insane, label something less human as I became the lesser man.
the nocturnal animal that howled at the night just to feel warmth.
just to find peace.
yet I was nothing to the earth shattering below my feet.
I didn't matter.
no matter how much I want to.
it was too much Red.
too many skeletons.
too many wretched beings wailing to the undead.
till I met you.
my light outta of the darkness yet I lived there was born of it.
my anger.
my relenting cold shoulder it all became me.
till you freed me from the chains that causes me so much anguish.
heavy cold solid it all felt like lithium.
as I screamed just to break free.
it all changed cause you chose to love me.
©darkdeity